Bug’s life: winning uncounscious fears
It’s really unbelievable as some conditionings are so subtle to make our life difficult without even realizing.
They stick to us, maybe from our early childhood, and we carry them on our shoulders until then, if God wants, a fortunate accident occurs and helps us to get rid of them!
One of these episodes is just what I want to tell here…
Two years ago, I had the chance to go to the PKS academy of Indian art and music in Vaitarna (India) to learn vocal music.
It was september, immediately after monsoon and there were thousands and thousands of insects wandering around all the time. When we had meditation in the meditation room, we never knew if it was the Kundalini rising or any bug happily climbing along our spine.
I must say that I did not know before that moment, that I had a strong repulsion towards insects, because in our city there are not so many.
In the evening, there were so many of them sticking to the lights of the corridor, but some of them happened to make their way through any hole to sneak into our room; so, almost every evening, I had a session of bug-hunt in my bedroom, because i could not bear those things walking on me during the night. To tell the truth, it was just my mania, because my (Scottish) bedroom mate did not care at all and could serenely sleep every night; even, I suppose, she was having so much fun watching my funny behaviour!!!
But one day…
I was in meditation room, immersed in a lovely and peaceful atmosphere, and at a certain point I noticed a big black bug walking curiously on the floor just in front of me.
I was watching him with curiousity, but as I put one of my fingers just in front of it to change its path, immediately our little friend retired its legs under its body and kept still; suddenly the atmosphere changed: I could clearly feel that it was disturbed by the fear of that tiny creature. Yes, because the atmosphere was so clear and pure that even such a infinitesimal disturbance could be felt.
And so, I realized a reality that sounds so obvious and natual, but somehow have been falsed: “The world really goes the contrary: I am so big, even more than a mountain respect to that little animal, and the natural thing is that IT should be afraid of me, not the contrary!!!”.
After that intuition, I spontaneouly felt a strong love and compassione for that creature and the desire to protect it rather than being the cause of its distress.
Of course, my repulsion towards insect had gone after that experience and, interesting to notice, my bedroom mate and I did not get any bite in those days!
Back to home, I realized what was the source of my conditioning.
Just in those days, from time to time, clusters of mini-ants used to visit our bathroom and immediately my parents went mad and sprayed poison here and there, not even they were terrible monsters!!!!
So that nonsensical conditioning was just coming from my parents, but finally and fortunately I could also get rid of it!